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Are you a cutter?
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE A CUTTER IF:
- Your richest relative buys a home and you have to help take the wheels off.
- You think potted ham on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.
- There is a stuffed possum mounted anywhere in your home.
- You consider a six-pack of beer and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
- Less than half the cars you own run.
- Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the state patrolman to "kiss her ass."
- The primary color of your car is "bond-o."
- Directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."
- You honest-to-god think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
- Your family tree doesn't fork.
- Your wife's hair has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
- You've ever hollered "Rock the house, Bubba" during your son's piano recital.
- Your mother has ever been involved in a fist-fight at a high school sports event.
- You have ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
- Your neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
- You regularly answer the question "What have you been doing lately?" with "Partying."
- Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
- You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" were snubbed for best picture.
- The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front ones.
- You prominently display a keepsake you bought at Graceland.
- You consider "Outdoor Life" serious reading.
- The diploma hanging in your T.V. room includes the words "Trucking Institute."
- Your grandmother keeps a "spit-cup" on the ironing board.
- Your wife has ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
- The most common phrase you hear at a family reunion is "What are you looking at, Shithead?"
- You think beef jerky and Moon Pies ar two of the major food groups.
- You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
- You have more than one brother called "Bubba" or "Junior".
- Your father encouraged you to quit school when he heard that Larry had an opening on the lube rack.
- You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
- You think a styrofoam cooler is one of the greatest inventions of all time.
- Your fanciest outfit is a "sea-foam" green colored polyester leisure suit.
- You've ever been too drunk to fish.
- You have a rag in place of a gas cap.
- You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.
- Your lifetime goal is to own your own fire works stand.
- You have ever used lard in bed.
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